There times in one’s life when something so miraculous happens that it defies ordinary explanation. We all hear of amazing stories—of miraculous recoveries from disease or illness, of daring escapes, of angelic interventions—but when it happens to you, you don’t know quite how to explain it other than to say thank you God, and praise be Yours. Something like this happened to me today, and I describe it as the best Christmas gift I ever got. Here I relate the details. There are a thousand reasons I shouldn’t have been where I was, when I was, on the morning of December 19, 2006, but I guess I had to be there so that God could show me that He does exist and that His ways are inscrutable. Just recently I was asking Him a million whys as to the present why was my life going the way it was.
Why was I having the problems that I was? Why were the finances the way they were? And a million whys as to the past: why did my father have to have the disease he did and die prematurely, just when we were starting to become close? Why did my mother have to be manic-depressive? Why did I drop out of medical school after sacrificing so much? Why did my life take all the ugly turns it had? Why, why, why? The returning echo of nothingness after having submitted these questions was deafening and utterly disheartening. To say my faith was teetering and my belief in God wavering would be somewhat of an understatement. As much as I desperately wanted to hold on, I had little gas left in my faith fuel tank to sustain me. I was fighting but I was losing the battle.
Up to this day, the past few weeks had been the most introspective of my life. I decided that I would hold onto the belief that life was good and that I would come through these trials despite outward appearances of hopelessness. Regardless of the circumstances, the problems, the heartaches, I would deliberately start the morning by thanking God for everything and expect good to come out of each day. I would refocus my thinking, remake my attitude, redirect my actions. During my recent dark periods I asked God for a sign, something that would show His existence to me, something that would validate my purpose here. I had no right to do so. Nevertheless God in His infinite goodness knows when we are at our breaking point and when we need something to keep us intact. Such was the case on this bright clear morning.
My request for a sign from God having been forgotten, I started my day somewhat differently from normal. I was expecting going to Brick, New Jersey to meet with two prospective clients. What is interesting is that I was supposed to meet with the last week but because of scheduling, this was impossible. Originally, I expected leaving my house at 10:00AM but then suddenly decided to leave at 8:30AM. As I left to go toward south Jersey, I suddenly decided to go to deposit my son’s check at the Commerce Bank, which was in the completely opposite direction. After I did this, I headed on Route 9 South toward Brick, New Jersey. I called my mother to tell her that because I left so early and didn’t have an appointment until 11:00AM that I would stop by for a short visit. Thus I continued my way.
Why was I having the problems that I was? Why were the finances the way they were? And a million whys as to the past: why did my father have to have the disease he did and die prematurely, just when we were starting to become close? Why did my mother have to be manic-depressive? Why did I drop out of medical school after sacrificing so much? Why did my life take all the ugly turns it had? Why, why, why? The returning echo of nothingness after having submitted these questions was deafening and utterly disheartening. To say my faith was teetering and my belief in God wavering would be somewhat of an understatement. As much as I desperately wanted to hold on, I had little gas left in my faith fuel tank to sustain me. I was fighting but I was losing the battle.Up to this day, the past few weeks had been the most introspective of my life. I decided that I would hold onto the belief that life was good and that I would come through these trials despite outward appearances of hopelessness. Regardless of the circumstances, the problems, the heartaches, I would deliberately start the morning by thanking God for everything and expect good to come out of each day. I would refocus my thinking, remake my attitude, redirect my actions. During my recent dark periods I asked God for a sign, something that would show His existence to me, something that would validate my purpose here. I had no right to do so. Nevertheless God in His infinite goodness knows when we are at our breaking point and when we need something to keep us intact. Such was the case on this bright clear morning.
My request for a sign from God having been forgotten, I started my day somewhat differently from normal. I was expecting going to Brick, New Jersey to meet with two prospective clients. What is interesting is that I was supposed to meet with the last week but because of scheduling, this was impossible. Originally, I expected leaving my house at 10:00AM but then suddenly decided to leave at 8:30AM. As I left to go toward south Jersey, I suddenly decided to go to deposit my son’s check at the Commerce Bank, which was in the completely opposite direction. After I did this, I headed on Route 9 South toward Brick, New Jersey. I called my mother to tell her that because I left so early and didn’t have an appointment until 11:00AM that I would stop by for a short visit. Thus I continued my way.
